So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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