Will you blow on my dice?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize