I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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