i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
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well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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