the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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