apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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