She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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