i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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