so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I need to calm my uterus...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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