I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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