HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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