So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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