how can u be prego again
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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