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just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Randomize
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