Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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