my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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