In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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