mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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