I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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