I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize