Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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