I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize