so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize