Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize