and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize