I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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