He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize