Where is the hickey?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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