Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize