So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
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Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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