omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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