i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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