I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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