i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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