dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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