I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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