mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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