i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize