She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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