Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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