last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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