He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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