well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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