I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We need to get me chipped asap
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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