Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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