the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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