took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize