I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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