you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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