we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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