Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize