dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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